The Coley Family
Christmas 2025
Scroll to Unwrap the Chaos
A Journey Through Time (and Trauma)
Welcome to the Coley Family Christmas Archive. This year has been... a lot. But as the ancient McCullochs said (probably), "If you don't laugh, you'll cry." So we're doing both.
Ancestral Baggage Heritage
Cardoness Castle: Where the stubbornness began
The McCulloch Line
"Vi et Animo" — By Strength and Courage
Jayne comes from a long line of Scottish warriors who carried wild boars on their shields. This explains why she tackles home renovations like she's besieging a castle. Built 26 properties? That's just genetic castle-building syndrome.
The Coley Line
Anglo-Saxon Stubbornness... I mean, Strength
From Dr. William Coley inventing cancer immunotherapy (no big deal) to Steve rebuilding entire houses from scratch. The Coley way is simple: If it's broken, fix it. If it's not broken, take it apart and fix it anyway.
Dr. William Coley: Invented immunotherapy (No pressure, Harrison)
2025: The Year We Survived
A look back at the chaos, the triumphs, and the questionable decisions of the past year.
Jayne
The Commander
• Optimized physical fitness program
• Celebrated 65! (Still looks 40)
• Hiked Skinny Fish (Leg day every day)
Had a generational crashout on brothers: 'Do I need to fly out there and bitch slap you guys??'
Steve
The Builder
• Finished cabin build (Finally!)
• Hiked Skinny Fish (Chasing Jayne)
• Planned & executed surprise party for wifey
Fell into the ice river and screamed like a girl (We have the audio)
Grace
The Legacy
• Got a new job! (Bomatic)
• Fell in love with a man that isn't a d*ck (Hi Daniel!)
• Lots & lots of travel (Where in the world is Grace??)
Hurt her hip (again!) falling off her horse. Gravity: 1, Grace: 0
Harrison
The Visionary
• Ran 100 miles with no training (Why?)
• Built & exited a 500+ person bible study
• Generated over 3 million views on social media
Had an existential crisis once every 3 days.
2026 Predictions
According to our highly advanced (and totally real) AI algorithm
Jayne: The Prada Pilgrim
In 2026, Jayne decides to hike the Camino de Santiago. But why suffer? She completes the 500-mile trek in full couture, carrying only a diamond-encrusted walking stick and a single bottle of sparkling water.
"It's called glamping, sweetie. Look it up."
Grace: The Ultimate Rancher
After drinking a mutated Starbucks latte, Grace gains super strength and becomes the ultimate cattle rancher. She now herds cows by simply flexing at them.
#Girlboss #RanchLife #MutatedLatte #Gains
Harrison: Mars CEO
Harrison optimizes his workflow so efficiently that he accidentally invents time travel. He returns from 2050 to tell us that he is now the Emperor of Mars and that Bitcoin is still volatile.
"I don't sleep. I just buffer."
Steve: The Wizard of Walls
Steve finally achieves his final form: A construction wizard. He no longer uses tools; he simply glares at a crooked beam until it straightens itself out of fear.
"It's not magic. It's code compliance."